I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
