Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
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