So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
