are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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