I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
did i walk over a car last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
