Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize