whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
