Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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