maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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