i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
