Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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