I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
