he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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