Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
