So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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