She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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