I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
