Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
