im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
