She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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