oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
