I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
