I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
