Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
