I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
