Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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