You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize