Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
