He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
