im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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