I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
