the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
