i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
