Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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