So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
