went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
