New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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