It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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