Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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