I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
