so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
