mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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