i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
