and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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