i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
