K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
