All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
