Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
