It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize