I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you didnt know i had herpes?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
