Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
