I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude. I can hear the air.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize