You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
