Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
