Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
