Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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