Screwed.edu
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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