Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
