the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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