I heard we made out
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
