if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
