just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
