dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
