Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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