then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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