I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my shit smells like andre
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
