I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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