Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
