I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I touched a dick in church today
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
