If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
