Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
