shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
